We're Soaring

On our way to New York. Joel is a loser...

Smile

Yesterday was Liam's 23rd birthday, so we decided to crash his apartment at ten in the morning and take him to the skating rink. And then we went bowling, got dinner and hit up a bar. A good time was had by all. Success! I really wanted to celebrate the occasion because Liam has been so good to me, especially over the past year or so, and I want him to know how much I appreciate it.


Headed back to New York tomorrow, except this time I'm taking Joel, Missa, Ben, Gracie, Kizzie and Beth with me! The Twins throw the best parties and I'm sure this one will surpass all expectations.

It's our last night at home until mid-February, at the earliest. Kinda bittersweet. I'm gonna miss it... but, at the same time, I absolutely cannot wait to get settled onto the bus. Joel is somewhat worried about how we're going to manage the physical side of our relationship, since we'll be sleeping on a bus with ten other people - in bunks. I told him I'd think of something but I really haven't. I'm not one to want sex everyday but I'm quite happy with the pace of my sex life at current and would like to keep it up.

Oh well. I'm sure Roxy will have ideas. That chick could make sex happen at a funeral.

Sweet Escape

Spent the morning getting my ass kicked by both Serena and Victoria at Wii. And then Amanda made the most delicious lunch ever. I think I ate more than my body weight in pasta.

We have to leave in a couple hours. Sadness. We wont be back here until after tour. Still, the entire Henson clan is coming out to the LA show, so we shall see each other in about six weeks.

Gotta go home and pack! I'm beyond excited. I can't even begin to tell you how stoked I am, though I'm not sure that it's really sunk in. I'm sure it will when I see that bus!

Rockin' Around...

Christmas was too awesome. I might be the luckiest person alive.

We made it down to Laguna this morning to have our second Christmas, with Joel's parents, grandparents, and Kaden and Victoria. We brought Serena along with us because she and Victoria have become super tight! They even exchanged Christmas presents! So cute!

I'm so spoiled. I can't believe the effort Joel went to this Christmas. He must have spent thousands... and that's not even the craziest part!

He came in from seeing Kaden at around nine on Christmas Eve and told me he had to show me something. I had absolutely no clue what it could be. So we go into the bedroom and he sits down and pulls me into his lap. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and he told me to roll the sleeve up, which I thought was odd, but did regardless. And there's my name. On his wrist. In ink. L-Y-N-X.

I kinda can't believe he did that. Never in a million years would I have guessed he'd tattoo my name on him. Especially since he doesn't have any other tattoos. And he says he doesn't plan on having any more, except maybe the names of our eventual children. He's actually crazy.

He also got me the new iPhone, more clothes than I could get through in a year and some gorgeous jewelery. I really do feel like the luckiest person on the planet. It took all that I have within me not to cry like an idiot. Words probably couldn't tell you how much I love and appreciate him.

I also got some amazing things from Mom, Serena and Missa! Serena got me a friendship necklace and made both Missa and I 'sister scrapbooks', which are simply precious. Missa got me a new bike - SCORE - and Momma got me the latest Macbook!

I've been beyond blessed.

Up next; New Years with The Twins! Woohoo!

Red One

I am red once more!

Oh, how I have missed the gingerness! Being blonde got boring.

We went to the Walmart this morning because Lindsay and Roxy needed hair dye... and, well, I couldn't resist. It was time, you know? I've been blonde since Halloween. I've missed the redness. I'm so stoked on being a Gingernut once more! Many thanks to Roxy for fixing me up!

I think I'll keep quiet and surprise Joel tomorrow. I've missed him. I always do. I think he's secretly missed my being red also. I mean, I don't think it matters to him all that much, but he did tell me when I first went blonde that he felt like he was having sex with someone else's woman, which amused me.

Blue Christmas

Dad called this morning to let me know that he's sending gifts for Missa, Serena and I to the apartment.

He sounded really miserable, and it really depressed me. I didn't send him a gift this year but I did send him a card. He told me he's spending Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa... which makes me feel a little better. As hurt as I am by his actions, I wouldn't want him to spend Christmas alone. He's still my Dad and I still love him... I just don't understand why he had to do what he did.

Lindsay, Roxy and Cady quickly cheered me up, as always. I don't know what I'd do without my girls.

27 Dresses

So the weather thing didn't work out, but we had the best time dress shopping.


It was actually colder today than it was yesterday... but no worries - I came prepared with my snuggest winter attire. We tried on, like, ten dresses. And when I say we I mean we. Well, Cady didn't want to partake in the festivities, and I absolutely do not blame her, but Roxy tried on three and Lindsay tried on almost as many as I did.

I'm thinking I want something strapless and elegant... but modest at the same time. I saw a couple I really liked today, but we're out tomorrow too, and it's not like I have to pick right now.

Stress! But an excited kinda stress all the same...

New York Minute

New York, Bitches!

I do love it out here. Even though it is minus 2 degrees outside. I'm wearing two shirts, shorts under my pants and an enormous hoodie that Roxy ever so kindly gave me. It's super weird to think that Cady doesn't feel this. I'd say that I'm jealous but her condition is extremely dangerous and can be fatal.

Dress shopping tomorrow! I'm excited. But I hope it warms up some!

Being here, around these kids, makes me the broodiest person ever, which scares me because I'm usually not... but I can't help it. Roxy and Malachi really do have the most gorgeous babies I ever did see.

Seeing Cady with Providence can be weird. It's odd to think that she gave birth to her, you know? And it's weird to see her doing the things that Roxy and Malachi would usually do, like bathe her and push her in the stroller. She's pretty good with her. For example, I came downstairs this morning to see Cadence on the couch with Vida asleep in her arms. She was stroking her face and just looking at her. I wanted to cry. Regardless of the situation, it's more than clear that Cady loves that little girl with all her heart. And I'm pretty sure Providence loves her too.

The Madness

What a chaotic/awesome/drunken weekend!

Vegas was amazing. I drank and partied way too much... and was hungover until Sunday, but it was probably worth it.

I had my belly pierced! It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. Having the septum pierced hurts wayyy more. I had my septum pierced around two years ago and wore it until sometime last year. I decided to take it out because it was always getting in the way. Maybe I'll put it back in at some point.

This will be our last week in rehearsals. We have until Thursday to tie up all loose ends... and then the madness begins!

Drunk On You

I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS HUNGOVER. EVER.

Shoot me.

Contagious

I've been in rehearsals more or less the entire week... and I'm exhausted.

But the set list is done! It took a while to work out what songs worked, what songs didn't, but I think we have it down. It's going to be a very high energy show overall, but we have an acoustic section in there too, to balance it out. It should be a good mix.

Plus, we can always make changes once we're out on the road. Nothing is set in stone.

LYNX REBEKAH - Rehearsing yesterday...

I'm going to be spending a couple days in New York soon. I leave on the 18th and return on the 22nd. Lindsay and Roxy want to go wedding dress shopping! It might seem a little mad to start looking at dresses in December when I'm not getting married until May, but I'm going to be on tour January through mid-March, at which point there will be less than two months until the event! I want this done with as soon as possible. I don't want to be thinking about a damn dress throughout the whole tour.

Since we don't have long to do this, I've told Lindsay and Roxy that they can look at dresses and note down any they like, and then I'll take a look when I get to New York. I trust their ideas. They know what works and what don't. Cadence will be there too. And she absolutely doesn't know what works and what don't, but she sure as hell is a riot.

Mom and Missa keep laughing at me. Apparently I'm much too laid back about this wedding. I don't know. Maybe I'll start freaking out in a couple months. For now I'm just enjoying the moment.

Hang Time

Hanging out with Liam!

We almost have the set list worked out. I need to work on my piano/guitar skills because I want to play on some songs.

I cannot wait until Vegas!

Life Lessons

Things I have learned over the past three years;

- Growing up is never easy, regardless of whom you are, what you do or how much money you make. Nobody is exempt from the stresses and strains that come with adolescence.

- Forgiveness is crucial. Argument is, to a degree, a healthy expression of true love. There is nothing wrong with arguing so long as you're prepared to apologize and make things right.

- You can never give too much. It's important to be grateful for the blessings in your life, however big or small. It doesn't matter how much money you make or how much time you have on your hands; we can all do our part. There is no excuse not to.

- Everybody should do Yoga.

- Sex is not shameful.

- There is nothing wrong with wearing heels. Granted I don't walk in them very well, but I do feel extremely graceful wearing them.

- I'm embarrassingly petite and always will be. Up until quite recently I was convinced that I was going to have this amazing 10-inch growth spurt. It didn't happen. My boobs were supposed to get bigger too.

- Being a woman sucks at times. Yes, I'm talking to you, Miss Monthly.

- Parents aren't perfect.

- Corresponding with the above, I am nowhere near ready to become a parent.

- I don't handle alcohol well.

- Cady Cross is a nutter. But a lovable one.

- Life is miserable without the people that matter.

Let's Dance

Rehearsals!

The excitement is contagious. We're all stoked to be going on tour. And I'm super stoked that my loved ones will be around me. Gracie will be on the road with us an entire month, and Missa will be with us throughout the whole tour. Mom and Serena are coming out for two weeks.

Dad called me yesterday to ask whether he's allowed to attend the Portland show, which is in the third week. Since Mom and Serena will be back in LA by then, I told him I'd consider it. I still have Missa to think about. I don't want to put her in a situation she doesn't want to be in. I mean, I absolutely understand why she doesn't want to see him. Truth be told, I don't have any great desire to see him... but I feel like somebody needs to keep the peace for Serena's sake. I know she doesn't want to see him right now but she could well change her mind for her own reasons. She's only a child. I don't want her to get older and decide she wants to make contact and not be able to. Something tells me that she's going to want answers at some point. Maybe not this year, or next, or even in five years, but I feel like there will come a time.

White Wedding

I suck at planning weddings. Thank God I have Mom to help me. I'm the least organized person on the planet.

We're headed up to Laguna this weekend with Mom and Serena. Amanda suggested that we bring them so she and Mom can talk about the wedding. I think our Moms are more excited about it than we are. I'm almost certain I want the wedding to take place in Laguna. On the beach.

He's The One

Making the promo rounds! I did 9 interviews today, and then had to rehearse. I'm exhausted. Oh well.

Mom has seen an apartment she likes... and Missa is back home, so Joel and I might be alone once more sooner than expected.

We've been living together since April. I love that we have our own place. He's pretty easy to live with. I have to give credit where it's due. He's neat and he always puts the toilet seat down. He makes the bed and he's not freaked out by my tampons.

I love him. He's special.

Boys

At tour/production rehearsals!

I'm sooo excited! We're working on the stage to begin with. I'm not entirely sure what I want the stage to look like, but I want it to be nice and bright and uplifting. I'm putting sketches together at the moment... but I never was the best artist.


I've never felt like a solo artist. I feel like the boys are just as important to these songs as I am, and I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. Kaden, Liam and Chris are the brothers I never had, and I love them to death. There's nothing I wouldn't trust them with. Liam, in particular, has an amazing ear. I met him the week I moved to LA. We just clicked. I knew straight away that I wanted him in the band. He's been so supportive throughout all the shit I've been through with my Dad. His own parents had an abusive relationship, so he totally gets where I'm coming from.

And then there's Kaden. God bless Kaden Henson. I love his stupidness, his badass drum skills and the fact that he can't keep a girl for longer than a month. It's kinda weird to me that he and Joel are actually related, because they have absolutely nothing in common. But it works. Kaden can always make me laugh. He has a pretty crude sense of humor at times, which I love. He thinks he can get away with it because I'm engaged to his brother.

Last but not least is Chris, who is one of the most artistic people I have ever met. He has an incredibly introspective mind and is great for real, deep conversations about things that matter. He's incredibly smart and also one of the most thoughtful people I've ever known. Before he joined the band, he was living in a camper van, sleeping in a different town each night.

I'd love to live like that. Maybe Joel and I can rent one to take across Europe when we go travelling!

Bowled Over

Bowling nights with Joelly, Missa, Kaden, Chris and Liam. Missa was my teammate. We kicked ass. I'm not one to brag... but I'm pretty damn awesome when it comes to bowling.


I'm actually pretty tired. Swimming with Mom and Missa tomorrow. I hate wearing a bikini... but swimsuits are gross. Missa doesn't see what the big deal about wearing a bikini is, and it isn't really a big deal, I guess I just like to be modest in what I wear. I mean, I wouldn't go out in public in my underwear, would I? Isn't wearing a bikini more or less the same thing? Call me a prude but the only person I want seeing my body is Joel, because I choose to share it with him.

Hot Mess

UGH! I hate hangovers! I'm never drinking again.

Gracie, Missa, Kizzie and I decided to skip the movie and head to a bar instead. Bad idea. We were all too drunk to drive, so I had to call Joel and have him pick us up, then drop Gracie and Kizzie home. He laughed about it but I still feel kinda bad for dragging him out of bed at 2am. And then Missa had to drive me out to the bar this morning to pick up my car, since I was supposed to be last night's designated driver...

Minus the consequent hangover, it was a pretty awesome night. I am champion at pool. Actually, Roxy kicks my ass every time I play with her. I don't like her much.

It's kinda funny that I ended up wasted last night, since I'm not actually old enough to buy alcohol. Oh well. Kizzie, Missa and Gracie are =] And I will be in, like, three weeks! Woohoo! Vegas, baby! I don't usually do the whole 'let's get crazy' thing on my birthday... but it's my 21st, so I absolutely have to! My birthday is December 11th, which is a Friday, so I'm taking the besties to Vegas! I'm sooo excited! I think it's gonna be me, Joel, Missa, Daniel, Gracie, Kizzie, Beth, Lindsay, Roxy, Malachi, Jason, Loren, Kay, Justine, Brittany, Cady, Harry and my boys.

Bring it on!

Girl Time

About to head out to pick up Gracie and Kizzie Kae! We think we're going to see a movie, but we have no idea what to see, because, between us, we've seen every movie on the planet. Oh, Missa's coming too!

She and her boyfriend, Ben, are going through a rough patch. I know they'll work it out. They always do. So I now have Mom and Serena in the guest bedroom and Missa on the couch... It's gonna be super weird when everyone leaves and Joel and I have the place to ourselves again.

Mom is thinking about going back to school. I think it's an awesome idea. I think it'd be great for her self-esteem. She needs to get out there and meet people. Not necessarily guys. She hasn't had the chance to make many friends since she's been out here. She sometimes talks with the lady downstairs, Anne, and they've had coffee a couple times. Anne has one grown-up son, who no longer lives with her but visits a couple times a week, and is very talkative. A genuinely nice lady. I've told Mom to invite her up for coffee sometime but I think Mom feels bad about inviting people into my home. Truth be told, I'd feel so much better if she did.

Gypsy Lover

Mom, Missa, Serena and I had our nails did!

Sexy nails, platinum blonde... I'm looking super LA at this point in time.

Joel and I are going to travel the world! I'm sooo excited! We've been discussing the idea since we met... but then I signed my record deal and life has been pretty much non-stop since. My schedule is more or less solid until April 2010, and then we get married in May... and it occurred to me that this is our chance! Lord knows when I'll next be able to take that kinda time off. And what better way to celebrate our marriage? It'll be kinda like a three-month-long honeymoon! I presented the idea to Joel and he's just as stoked on it as I am. We're gonna go pick up some travel brochures tomorrow! 2010 is going to be the best year ever!

I'm truly blessed. I can't believe that I'm going to be touring America and travelling the world in one lifetime, let alone one year. Life is amazing.

March 2009

Here Comes...

Mom picked up some wedding magazines last night, and she, Missa and I spent the morning going through them. Truth be told, I haven't given the actual wedding much thought until now... but looking at these magazines has me super excited!

We've decided on a summer wedding. We're hoping to do it sometime in late May, which means that we can have an outdoor service. Joel suggested that we get married in Laguna, and I actually really like the idea. It's so beautiful out there. Plus, it's close enough to LA that most people will be able to drive out there without problem. Maybe we could do it on the beach...

I'm thinking I'll have 6 bridesmaids; Missa, Serena, Lindsay, Roxy, Gracie and Victoria. I'm sure Kaden will be best man, which is fine with me. There's no one else I'd rather have. As for groomsmen, I have to have my boys; Chris and Liam.

I think I'll ask Grandpa to walk me down the aisle. I'm not inviting Dad... and I'll explain that to him when the time comes. I know it will kill him, and it kills me that it had to come to this, but I'm not going to put Mom and Serena through that, even though Mom swears she doesn't mind. She is without a doubt the most amazing person on the planet... but truth be told, I wouldn't even consider having him there.

Another Day

Spent the morning rehearsing at Smashbox. I cannot wait until tour starts!! It's gonna be amazing.

Once we got done with rehearsal, I went to hang with Cady and Raven at Raven's studio. We ended up writing a couple songs. Such talented women. Both are incredible musicians. Raven really should put out a record. She says that her place is 'behind the music', but I absolutely disagree. Not only is she a phenomenal producer, but an amazing lyricist and an awesome vocalist. She could do it all.

Cady is probably the most talented musician I know. Her lyrics break my heart. She breaks my heart. Her story is too tragic to be true, you know? And yet it is.

On a more humorous note, Mom and I had an interesting chat this evening. We were in the kitchen, eating dinner, when she asked me, again, when I'd be having her grandchild. I told her to ask me again in ten years, and she was like, 'Actually, I may have to ask Missa. I'm not sure that you'd be able to carry a child. You're hips aren't wide enough'.

WTF!? My hips aren't wide enough?

Me: What the Hell does that have to do with it?
Mom: Well, baby, you've got to get that thing out!

So apparently I can't have kids because my hips aren't wide enough.

Love To Hate

I was looking around town, thinking the same as you...

I'm not a complicated kid. I'm not hard to amuse. I'm nothing you aren't.

Lynx Loves;

- music.
- white chocolate.
- new socks.
- the iPhone.
- her Gingernuts (you know who you are).
- getting better at guitar.
- traveling.
- writing.
- yoga.
- baking.
- good wine.
- burnt toast.
- video games.
- dancing.
- Red Bull.
- bike rides.
- hiking.
- make-up.
- Disneyland.
- Disney movies.
- Anything Disney.
- Joel Henson.

Lynx Doesn't Love;

- liars.
- fighting/arguing.
- cheating.
- uptight people.
- spinach.
- socks with holes in them.
- being overheated.
- inconsideration.
- writer's block.
- being let down.
- seeing loved ones upset.
- cleaning.
- cooking.
- paper cuts.
- phone bills.

See, we're not so different, you and I.

You Win Some Always

Joel and I decided to go to the arcade because, well, there was nothing better that we could/should have been doing with our lives last night. Why not a little air hockey?

I won, obviously, because I always do. I make no apologies.



Joel needs to work on his technique is all.

And, since he lost, he'll be buying when we go to see Saw VI tomorrow night! I'm stoked to see it. I love the Saw movies!

Feeling Sorry

I'm not sure how to feel at the moment.

It was worse than I had been anticipating. I'm so sick of his excuses. I'm sick of him painting himself as the victim. He tried to tell me that it was a 'one-time' thing, like that would make it better...

At that point I told him that we knew he'd done it numerous times. He denied it, called Mom a liar and a couple other nice names. I was shaking so hard. Joel held both my hands. Dad barely acknowledged him... up until I told him we were engaged, to which he looked at Joel, then me and said, 'Oh, right. Congratulations.'

The worst thing was that he kept telling me how much he loved 'his girls' and that he missed us. He asked me whether I thought Missa and Serena would see him soon. I was honest. I told him that Missa didn't want to see him ever again, and that Serena was terrified of the thought of him, to which he cried. He then asked me whether I would be back to see him... and once again, I was honest. I told him that I had no idea, that I was completely disgusted by his actions.

He never once asked about Mom. He kept apologizing, but never for anything specific, and judging by the fact that he was only too quick to call her a liar when we first arrived, there's no doubt in my mind that he feels no remorse whatsoever for what he actually did. He's sorry that he lost his daughters, sure, but he's not sorry for domestically abusing his wife over the past three years. He's not sorry for the fact that his eight-year-old daughter has nightmares about her Daddy hitting her Mommy.

I'm so done with this shit.

Oregon

I have no words.

Last Chance Love

We landed in Oregon a couple hours ago and are now at Grandma and Grandpa's house <3 I love it here. Feels like home.

We're heading over to see Dad in about 20 minutes. I'm so nervous. I want answers. I want to know how he could have done this to us ...and if he isn't interested in being honest then I'm not interested in talking to him.

Love

Fans rule.
I wish I could tell you all how much your support means to me.

My World

Joel and I are heading up to Oregon on Thursday. We wont be there long - we come back on Saturday - but I'm a little anxious about seeing Dad. Grandma and Grandpa are insisting that we stay with them, and Grandma assures me that Dad has been told that he isn't to come to the house unless he clears it with me.

As much as I'd rather not, I know I have to see him. I plan on going over there at some point on the Thursday, with Joel, getting it over and done with, and then spending Friday with Grandma and Grandpa. And then Joel and I are meeting with Hannah, whom I have known since I was seven, and going to dinner with her and her new man, Josh. She's a suuuper cool chick and we always hang out whenever I make it back to town.

I have no idea what I'm gonna say to Dad. I'm also nervous about what he's gonna say about the engagement. I mean, nothing he could say would change a thing, but I don't want him giving Joel a hard time about not asking his permission. Fact is, I asked him, a couple months ago, not to ask Dad's permission whenever the time came, because I'm no longer his.

I asked Missa whether she wanted me to tell him anything, but she doesn't have anything to say to him. I'm not sure she'll ever recover from this... and I can't say that I blame her. She always finds it hard to forgive, whether it's something as huge as this or something as little as a stupid argument with Daniel. It's just her nature.

Serena has given me a letter to give to him. I've no idea what it says. Mom wants me to tell him that he can have the house, and also that she wont stop him seeing Serena, should Serena ever want to see him. And that's about all.

All Hallow's Eve

Halloween was awesome! Joel drove down to Laguna yesterday morning, picked Victoria up and brought her back to LA. We decided it would be nice to take her and Serena out and have her spend the night with us. Words can't describe how happy it makes me to see Serena smiling and laughing, being the kid that she was never able to be back in Oregon. She told us that she hadn't been out on Halloween since the last time Missa and I took her... and that was at least three years ago, so we wanted to do something special and show her a real good time. And I think we did.

I ate so much candy last night. If candy were alcoholic I would have been wrecked.

Blondie

So, I have a surprise...



I'm blonde!

Yes, it is true! I haven't been blonde since I was six. Craziness! Esme, my wonderful hairdresser, came to the apartment yesterday to do my hair, as she does once a month, and I told her that I wanted a new color altogether. Something not red. She suggested that I go platinum blonde. I wasn't sure that it would suit me, but she assured me that it would, and I trust her completely... and here I am, almost as blonde as Cady Cross-Rider!



I do like it... but I don't know how long I'll keep it. I already miss my gingerness. Roxy is gonna be pissed =] But Joel likes it. He says it makes him want to make sex with me.

When You Wish Upon A Star

Yesterday was, quite possibly, the most awesome day in Lynx Torbin history.

I'm engaged.

I'M ENGAGED!

He proposed to me at Disneyland! I'm still in shock! I can't stop smiling. Never in a million years would I have guessed that he was planning to propose to me! We've talked about getting married a lot, and I knew we'd do it someday, but I didn't think it would happen until we were, like, 25.

I'm getting married... How insane does that sound!? And I can't believe he proposed at Disneyland! I might be the luckiest person on the planet.

When It Don't Come Easy

Gracie sent me this. I hadn't seen it. That was a FUN shoot!

Seeing Double

The Twins are in LA! Woohoo!

Disneyland on Tuesday! I'm sooo excited! Looks like it'll be Lindsay, Roxy, Malachi, Jason, Missa, Gracie, Kizzie, Beth, Cady, Harry, Raven, Daniel, Joel and I. It's gonna be AWESOME! The park is closing to the public at 6pm, and we go at 7pm. Yes, we have Disneyland to ourselves! Knowing Lindsay and Roxy Stevens certainly has it's advantages! I have no idea how they managed to swing that one.

Twenty Something

About to go to dinner with my man.

We decided to drive out to Laguna this morning and spend the day with his parents, David and Amanda, and his little sister, Victoria, who is absolutely adorable. Such a sweet kid... and there's about three months between her and Serena, so we're gonna organize a play date!

Back In Black

I have an entire week to be lazy and do absolutely nothing. Fun times!

I'm hanging out with Gracie and Missa tomorrow, and Joel and I are going to Kizzie's exhibition on Monday night. I'm super excited! Her clothes are amazing!

I don't really have any other plans. Perhaps I'll wing it and see where time takes me.

Serena noticed that I have a hickey on my neck today and decided to announce it to Mom over dinner. She calls it a 'lovey'.

Decadence

iChat with Lindsay and Roxy! Joel shreddin' guitar in the background.

Whiskey A Go Go tonight!

We're about to soundcheck! Mom, Serena and Missa got here about ten minutes ago and are sticking around to see the show.

I had to call Dad today to let him know that Mom was starting divorce proceedings. I don't think he was all that bothered, to be completely honest. I miss Grandma Lucy and Grandpa Kevin a lot. We've all spoken to them - Mom included - at least once a week since Mom and Serena have been here.

Joel and I have discussed going up to Oregon at some point within the next month. I wouldn't want to be there that long, maybe a couple days, but I do want to see Grandma and Grandpa before Christmas. I know I'd have to see Dad... and whilst that would be hard, I do have questions that I need answering.

I guess it's something I need to think about a little more.

Rewind

Rewind to... 2008


Our trip to Paris.

Joel told me that he was taking me away, but he wouldn't tell me where we were going. He even made me wait with the bags whilst he got our boarding passes! And then they called Flight 176 to Paris and he stood up... and I was excited enough to jump around the airport like a complete moron.

We rented bikes and rode around Paris like spoiled kids, or teenagers, which I suppose we were, and still are to some extent, though we're no longer teenagers.

We went to this super expensive, upper class restaurant on our second evening there and the waiters just kept topping us up with this amazing wine. We were both completely wasted by desert.

Good times!

You Belong With Me

You + Me = how it's meant to be.

I don't know what to say when I'm around you.
Words seem to fail me. Nothing makes sense.
Except you and me, baby.

Sisters

I took Serena to work with me this morning, and then we went to the Santa Monica Pier and hung out! I had an awesome time and am so glad I got to spend some one-on-one time with her. I hate that we don't get to bond as much as we'd like to. Work always seems to get in the way... but I'm learning =]

And my 8-year-old sister has bigger balls than I do. I was more scared about the rides at the pier than she was.

You

What did I do to deserve him? We were talking last night and he asked what I thought about getting married in a couple years... and I know we said we'd wait until we were in our late twenties, but I kinda like the idea.

Lynx Torbin-Hensen...

He is quite awesome to me... and the sex has been exceptionally great lately. I mean, don't get it twisted, Joel was always good in bed... but this is amazing =]

I didn't have to work today, so we spent the day converting the study - which had virtually nothing in it, since we have nothing to study - into a music room. We moved all the instruments in there and it's actually looking kinda rad!

Messing around on the drums. Kaden taught me to play about two years ago.
I also play piano, guitar and some violin =]

Sunday Bloody Sunday

The acoustic set went well, though I am now a little hoarse...

My Dad called as we were driving back to Park La Brea. Fortunately Joel was the only other person in the car - Kaden went to get something to eat in downtown with Liam and James, and then hitched a ride with them. I put my iPhone on speaker so Joel could hear the conversation. I'm not about deceiving anybody, so I told Dad that he was on speaker and Joel was in the car. Dad said he didn't have a problem with it to begin with... but then decided, when the conversation became heated and I told him straight out that Missa and I didn't have much to say to a man that beat a woman, that he wasn't 'comfortable' with Joel listening to 'his business'. I was so mad at that point that I told him he'd have to deal with it, because Joel is my business and I'm his, and that he'd been the one taking Serena out, that he'd been the one to sit with her and soothe her when her mother was crying her eyes out in the next room.

I wont repeat exactly what Dad said to that, but you could probably guess. He then told me that all he wanted was to see his girls. By this point I was in tears and we had pulled over because I was driving. Joel was holding my hand and had pulled me over to lean against his shoulder... and I knew I had to tell him.

Last week, Missa, Serena and I sat down over lunch and had a long conversation about the situation between Mom and Dad, during which we asked Serena to tell us what it was that she wanted.

Needless to say, Dad was none too pleased. He cursed, he cried, he apologized... and I became quiet upset, so Joel whispered that I should tell him that I need time and would call him at a later date. Dad wasn't happy but he eventually let up.

I know that I will never forgive what Dad did, but I have come to terms with it. I also know that I will always love him, because he's my Dad and we had some great times together... but I will never be able to look him in the eye, or even put my arms around him, because that same man abused my Mom, the most beautiful person in the world, virtually since the day Missa and I came to California, sometimes in front of my baby sister, his own child. And that I can never, ever forgive, or forget.

That's What You Get

Setting up to rock an acoustic set at KROQ!

Kaden showed up at the apartment at seven this morning. I'll kill him someday soon. We were still asleep, but Mom was up and she let him in. He literally dived into bed with us. Turns out he woke up at six and couldn't get back to sleep, so he decided to walk over to our place and get a ride to KROQ with us...

It is never a good experience when you wake up to discover Kaden Henson in your bed =]

Just Like Me

Joel and I took Mom and Serena on a surprise outing to Disneyland yesterday!

Isn't Disneyland awesome!? Who doesn't love Disneyland? It's magical! I even met Mini Mouse! Serena and I had our picture taken with her.



Joel took me to Disneyland on our third date. We shared a horse on the carousel, him behind me, his arms around my waist. We were laughing hysterically and I leaned back, relaxing against his chest. He started to kiss my cheek and I started to fall in love.

Temporary

Serena and I had 'the talk' this morning.

I was headed out to work and she was sat at the kitchen table, doing some school work, when I went into the kitchen to get my iPhone and my pill. She asked me what I was taking. I told her that it was a birth control pill. She wanted to know what it did. I decided to be honest, and I told her... and she quite literally shouted 'EW! You and Joel have sex!'

It was quite hilarious.

Don't you wish you were still that innocent?

I'm Pretty Optimistic

At the swimming baths with Mommy! We're getting exercised!

I'm in good-ish shape at the moment... but I realize that I'll need to be in much better shape in order to give one-hundred percent on that little headlining tour I'll be embarking on in January 2010...

So, here's the plan!

I will not slack on my yoga.
I will not slack on my pilates.
I will swim with Mom and Missa once a week.
I will go to the gym with Joel once a week.
I will maintain an active sex life (GREAT exercise and a GREAT time all around).

And come February I'll be in the best shape you ever did see.

Hello Hello

Spent the day at the mall with Gracie, and then we went to dinner at Koi. I miss her a lot. We both work so much these days that we rarely get to hang. It sucks. She has her own Purse collection, Gemini, and it's been picked up by a couple boutiques in LA and has been selling like crazy, so she's been as busy as I have and we haven't been able to hang in a while.

I asked whether she wanted to come out on the road with us in January... and she said she would!! I'm soooo excited! This entire experience is gonna be a blast! I wish we could go now. January seems so long away...

All I Wanted

I'M GOING ON TOUR!

Met with the label this morning and received my schedule! I'm sooo stoked! Tickets go on sale Monday morning!

The Born For This Tour 2010 begins on January 4th and starts in New York, so I'll be able to spend New Years with The Twins! How awesome is that!? The tour continues through February and ends in early March. We play 38 venues!

Joel and Missa will be on the road with us throughout the entire tour, and Mom and Serena are coming out for the first two weeks. Can't wait!!

Decode

I have grown to love iChat dates with The Twins! Sexy!

In other awesome news, my Hula Hoop arrived this morning! I woke up to discover Serena attempting to teach Joel how to 'Hula' in the lounge...

He sucks at it. I rule. Hula Hoops were the 'thing' when I was in sixth grade, okay? Plus, it's decent exercise. We had some laughs tryna get Mom to do it... but she was actually pretty good at it when she eventually caved.

Serena has a little pal! I'm so, so glad. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see her settling in. She's been so incredibly mature about this whole situation. I was quite concerned that she wouldn't like LA, but she seems to have adapted well. The most surprising thing is seeing how much happier she is these days.

My Number One

I'm home!

Got into LAX at around a quarter past ten last night. Joel met me with a rose and a Red Bull <3 He sure does know the way to my heart. He told me that Mom and Serena had decided to spend the night with Missa.... Hallelujah!

We made love until, like, 3am.

He knows my body better than I do.

Stuck On You

I want him so much.

Oh Star

Lazy mornings are the best.

It's past noon and I am still not dressed... but I did manage some Yoga. It's all good. I changed Nate's diaper this morning! And I guess it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Roxy and Malachi really do have the most gorgeous kids.

Adore

I miss him.

Sometimes I wish Lindsay and Roxy lived closer... but I do love coming to New York.

Tonight we play our second sold out show at the Hammerstein. It really does mean a lot to me that Lindsay, Roxy, Malachi & Jason have come out again to show their support. I would have been happy enough to make my way back to their place once the show is done, but they were pretty insistent on being here. I asked Roxy whether she'd be down to play guitar on a couple songs tonight and she was stoked on the idea, so she's running through the songs with the guys at the moment. She really is a badass guitar player.

Changes

Dad called this morning. He said that he misses Missa, Serena and I and wants to see us. I told him that I'd talk to Missa about it... but I think we both know that it's an unlikely prospect at this point in time. Neither Missa, Serena or I are ready to see him. The wounds are much too raw.

The Only Exception

That was absolute madness.

Lindsay and Roxy are without a doubt the most talented people I have ever met. It's almost sickening. Born entertainers. They really are mesmerizing to watch. Obviously I've seen them dance in the past, but I had never been to an actual class until this evening. It was a hip/hop class and they were practicing a routine to a song called 'Fight For This Love' that is by a UK artist. They did tell me her name but I don't remember it and didn't recognize it either. Apparently Lindsay discovered the song and suggested it to their dance teacher.

Malachi and I were joking around during practice. He said that we probably shouldn't breathe because The Twins could do it better.

Skanks.
=]

My Hero

Words cannot explain how stoked I am to be in New York.

Having something to eat and then I'm going to watch Lindsay and Roxy at their dance class!

Let The Flames Begin

I HATE LA TRAFFIC.

For some dumbass reason we decided to leave Laguna at around noon... and it took us three and a quarter hours to get home to Park La Brea. Still, I suppose it could have been worse; Kaden rode back with us, and listening to he and Joel argue in that pathetic way that all siblings do is awesome entertainment.

We all needed the bathroom at one point so I pulled into a little shopping complex we stumbled across and we got out, went to the bathroom, got something to eat and wandered around.


But don't threat - we eventually made it back to Park La Brea. Kaden doesn't live in Park La Brea but he decided that he'd rather walk the 20 minutes to his apartment than spend another hour in the car. I think I'd have done the same. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a car when it has to be at least a hundred degrees outside.

Going to dinner tonight with Joel, Mom, Missa and Serena. I doubt I'll be up late. I'm exhausted and I'm working tomorrow.

For A Pessimist

Headed out to dinner in a little bit. We leave tomorrow morning. I'll miss Laguna... but I'm super excited to see Mom, Missa and Serena. And I'm stoked to go to New York on Friday and hang with Lindsay and Roxy! I have missed my Ginger Nuts.

All We Know

Spent the day at the beach, working on my tan, with my man, his Mom, Amanda, his Dad, Andrew, and his Grandpa Miles and Grandma Vicky.

I love coming to Laguna. It's been a while since I last came out here. We're here until Tuesday, and then I'm headed to New York on Friday to do some promo and I have two shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom... how insane is that!? TWO sold-out shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom!! Joel is gonna come back to Laguna whilst I go to New York, so I'm gonna stick around a couple more days and spend some time with The Twins. I have missed them. I'm super excited to hang out and see the babies!

I Caught Myself

For some odd reason I've been thinking about babies non-stop these past couple days. I have never been that person. I mean, I was absolutely scared shitless when my period was late last week. I could have cried when it came, I was that relieved... so this sudden desire really makes no sense whatsoever to me.

I hear so many women telling anybody who will listen that childbirth is an amazing thing... but I absolutely cannot wrap my head around that. There is NOTHING amazing about pain, blood and having that ripped open. It seems impossible to me that a baby can come through there... but Roxy assures me that it can and will - whether you want it to or not.

The thought makes me shiver.

I do, however, believe that when the time comes and I do have to experience childbirth and all that comes with it, all that I am ignorant to now will become clear to me.

Nate must have been a week old when this was taken.

My Heart

I'll be spending the next couple days out in Orange County!

I love, love, love Laguna. It's kinda hard to believe that there's only an hour or so between Laguna Beach and downtown LA, because Laguna is so chill... and LA is manic at best. Joel and I have discussed moving out here eventually. I think it would be nice. Obviously we're not talking about any time soon, but eventually, when we're older and want to settle down and maybe have a couple kids.

When The Lines Overlap

Good times.

I had my cover shoot with Rolling Stone today. It was awesome. I probably had too good a time. There was a trampoline set up in the studio when I arrived... how badass is that!? Joel was at the shoot with me... and as hard as he tried, he could not resist joining me on the trampoline. It was pretty neat. I'm not one to complain about work... but let's be honest with ourselves... photoshoots can get tedious at times, so I totally appreciate a photographer that will mix things up and go beyond the norm.

Creativity is contagious.

Whoa

So, I had a serious scare this week. I was three days late.

False alarm. I'm not pregnant. Thank God.

I really don't think I could handle having a child at this age. My Mom was pregnant with Missa when she was 20; Roxy already had Dakota, McKenzie and Landon. I don't think I'll ever understand how she does it... but I will always have insane respect for both she and Malachi.

I didn't tell Joel that I was late. I only told him this morning, when my period came, and I was kinda worried that he'd be mad at me... but he was awesome about it. He did ask me why I hadn't told him and I explained that I hadn't wanted to worry him unnecessarily. He said that he understood, but made me promise to tell him if it ever happens again.

I have to admit, I had expected him to be a little more freaked out than he actually was, and I told him so. He said that whilst he agrees that we're not ready to go down that route yet, had I been pregnant, he would have accepted it and been excited nonetheless. We've agreed that we'll be extra careful in future... not that we could be much more careful than we already are. I mean, of course there are times when we may not have a condom available, but those times are rare... and I always remember to take my birth control pill.

I did tell Missa, however. And Mom. It's still kinda weird to me that I can tell her things like that nowadays. I mean, a month or so back I wouldn't have dared. All that has happened over the past couple weeks has brought us so much closer together. For some reason, when she was still with Dad, I always thought that she still saw me as a child. It's only since she and Serena have been here with us that I've realized that she does see me as being an adult; it was my Dad that never could. I'm not going to sit here and talk trash about my Dad but I will say that I've learned more about my Mom in the past couple weeks than I did in the 17 years that I lived in that house. It's kinda crazy. Though I hate the situation in which it came about, I love this new closeness and really hope that our relationship continues to blossom. Even more so, I hope that Mom continues to discover the person she really is underneath the pain that has been so cruelly brought upon her, and I hope that she loves that person as much as Missa, Serena and I do.

Brighter

You know you played an awesome show when you can't talk the next morning.

Mom, Serena, Missa, Kizzie, Beth, Cady and Raven all came out to watch and support me, which really does mean the world to me.

Hallelujah

Whoever invented iChat needs a raise. Sexy times with Roxy Erin.

RoxyErin: Lynxy, I lost my twin.
Lynxy: Where is she?
RoxyErin: I don't know. I lost her. Fucking idiot you are.

I suppose I deserved that =]

Apparently Lindsay doesn't do iChat because 'technology gives her headaches'. Amazing. That chick always knows how to make me smile. And I do hope Roxy recovers her quickly.

Here We Go Again

Had my hair cut and colored today. Much love and thanks to Esme Wright, the best stylist on the planet. I usually color my own hair because I'm quite particular about it... but Esme was cutting it and she suggested we put some more color on it and I totally trust her. Red hair is particularly hard to handle and you have to use the right products, otherwise the color comes out within two or three washes.

Roxy will laugh when she sees me - we have pretty much the same colors going on, except her hair reaches all the way down to her ass and she has a couple more tones in there, kinda like highlights but less... organized =] I don't think I could manage my hair if it were that long... but it totally suits both her and Lindsay. I love the color Lindsay has. It's called Deep Auburn, I believe, and it's super cute... but I think The Twins are so sickeningly gorgeous that they could do anything and still look better than anyone else.

Never Let This Go

Went to the beach with Mommy, Serena, Missa and Ben yesterday.

SUCH A CUTE COUPLE.

I think Mom is gradually settling into Cali life. It takes time. Serena has told us that she doesn't want to leave. She asked me the other day whether I could promise her that she'd be able to stay... and that concerns me. She becomes very distressed whenever someone mentions Portland. I don't think my Dad would ever have hurt her... but something is telling me that he has hurt Mom in the past.

We Are Broken

On a plane headed back to LA with Missa. We caught a plane out to Oregon this morning to pack up Mom and Serena's clothes and possessions and then we booked a delivery company to come collect them and see them on their way. We also had to pack up our own rooms because it's highly unlikely we'll ever go back into that house.

Mom and Serena aren't going back. Mom is still in shock over the entire situation and wasn't sure that she could leave him. Missa and I were in tears when she said that and we literally BEGGED her not to go back to him. She cried and said she didn't know how she was going to manage, but said she'd 'do whatever it is that my girls need me to do' and I know she will because she never lets us down.

It kills me to see her so depressed. She is adamant that she will start looking at apartments as soon as she is up to it, but Joel and I have told her that she needs to take her time and that we're more than happy to have her and Serena with us, and we are. Joel has been incredible throughout this ordeal and is brilliant with Serena. She calls him her Barbie Joel.

Mom and I had a one-to-one chat yesterday. She will never know how much she inspires me. I can only hope that my kids will love me as much as Missa, Serena and I love her. We cried so hard. I was sure I'd never stop. When Missa, Joel and Serena came back we quickly made ourselves presentable and had a cuddle.

Just as I was leaving she called me back. "Lynxy... I wanted to tell you that... well, this is your home and I don't want you and Joel to limit what you do because Serena and I are here. You know what I mean?"

I knew exactly what she meant. I had to smile. I said, "Joel will be pleased to hear so."

She gasped and covered her mouth... but she had to smile too.

Misery Business

I'm in shock, to say the least. I'm actually quite devastated.

Mom called me at around 11pm on Thursday. I knew something was up because she never calls that late unless it's important. She was quite obviously in tears when I picked up. She told me that she and Serena were at the Portland airport, about to board a plane to LA. I was completely panicked and asked what had happened and she told me that she and Dad had gotten into a huge argument over dinner and that he had hit her.

This is probably the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. It hurts so much.

Born For This

I'M GOING ON TOUR!!

I can't remember the last time I was this stoked on something! I've been dreaming about this since I was eleven. It still seems kinda surreal to me but I'm sure it will sink in nearer the time. I'm super excited to take Missa and Serena out on the road! Doing what I do, I don't get to see Serena as much as I'd like to, so I can't wait to spend some time with her. I also want to bring Mom out at some point because I think it'd do her some good.

As harsh as it might sound, I wish Mom and Dad would divorce. Both Missa and I would love for Mom and Serena to move out to LA. I know it sounds like I'm hating on Dad but it's not like that at all. I have never, ever hated him and I never will... but when it comes down to it, he ruined what he and Mom had. I can forgive him for what his affair did to me, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive what he did to Mom. I'll never understand the choices he made back then.

Crushcrushcrush

Tomorrow I meet with the label to discuss the US tour. I'm sooo excited! I haven't been this stoked in a while.

Joel and I got back into LA last night and were up until around 3am writing songs. I'm so glad we decided to get an apartment together. I love the freedom Joel and I have in our own little home... and as much as I love spending time in OR, I am stoked to be back. We don't get much 'alone time' out there because my Dad has some pretty strict rules about what can and can't go on in his house and Joel and I respect that. I wont lie and say that we've never broken the rules because we have. We were intimate when we were out there but it was once and we had the house to ourselves. I would never, ever be intimate with Joel when Mom, Dad or Serena were home. I'm a conservative person and I think that's disrespectful to my parents. I know that a lot of people don't understand or agree with that but I was raised to believe that being intimate with someone is a personal, private thing and I do believe that. Plus, Joel and I had similar upbringings and have the same values for the most part, which helps.

I hate to sound like a lovesick schoolgirl... but I really do think he's the one. I'm not stupid; I don't expect our relationship to always be as amazing as it has been and is at the moment, but I know I'd be willing to work through anything that came between us. I've never been so comfortable with another person.