Whoa

So, I had a serious scare this week. I was three days late.

False alarm. I'm not pregnant. Thank God.

I really don't think I could handle having a child at this age. My Mom was pregnant with Missa when she was 20; Roxy already had Dakota, McKenzie and Landon. I don't think I'll ever understand how she does it... but I will always have insane respect for both she and Malachi.

I didn't tell Joel that I was late. I only told him this morning, when my period came, and I was kinda worried that he'd be mad at me... but he was awesome about it. He did ask me why I hadn't told him and I explained that I hadn't wanted to worry him unnecessarily. He said that he understood, but made me promise to tell him if it ever happens again.

I have to admit, I had expected him to be a little more freaked out than he actually was, and I told him so. He said that whilst he agrees that we're not ready to go down that route yet, had I been pregnant, he would have accepted it and been excited nonetheless. We've agreed that we'll be extra careful in future... not that we could be much more careful than we already are. I mean, of course there are times when we may not have a condom available, but those times are rare... and I always remember to take my birth control pill.

I did tell Missa, however. And Mom. It's still kinda weird to me that I can tell her things like that nowadays. I mean, a month or so back I wouldn't have dared. All that has happened over the past couple weeks has brought us so much closer together. For some reason, when she was still with Dad, I always thought that she still saw me as a child. It's only since she and Serena have been here with us that I've realized that she does see me as being an adult; it was my Dad that never could. I'm not going to sit here and talk trash about my Dad but I will say that I've learned more about my Mom in the past couple weeks than I did in the 17 years that I lived in that house. It's kinda crazy. Though I hate the situation in which it came about, I love this new closeness and really hope that our relationship continues to blossom. Even more so, I hope that Mom continues to discover the person she really is underneath the pain that has been so cruelly brought upon her, and I hope that she loves that person as much as Missa, Serena and I do.