We Are Broken

On a plane headed back to LA with Missa. We caught a plane out to Oregon this morning to pack up Mom and Serena's clothes and possessions and then we booked a delivery company to come collect them and see them on their way. We also had to pack up our own rooms because it's highly unlikely we'll ever go back into that house.

Mom and Serena aren't going back. Mom is still in shock over the entire situation and wasn't sure that she could leave him. Missa and I were in tears when she said that and we literally BEGGED her not to go back to him. She cried and said she didn't know how she was going to manage, but said she'd 'do whatever it is that my girls need me to do' and I know she will because she never lets us down.

It kills me to see her so depressed. She is adamant that she will start looking at apartments as soon as she is up to it, but Joel and I have told her that she needs to take her time and that we're more than happy to have her and Serena with us, and we are. Joel has been incredible throughout this ordeal and is brilliant with Serena. She calls him her Barbie Joel.

Mom and I had a one-to-one chat yesterday. She will never know how much she inspires me. I can only hope that my kids will love me as much as Missa, Serena and I love her. We cried so hard. I was sure I'd never stop. When Missa, Joel and Serena came back we quickly made ourselves presentable and had a cuddle.

Just as I was leaving she called me back. "Lynxy... I wanted to tell you that... well, this is your home and I don't want you and Joel to limit what you do because Serena and I are here. You know what I mean?"

I knew exactly what she meant. I had to smile. I said, "Joel will be pleased to hear so."

She gasped and covered her mouth... but she had to smile too.

Misery Business

I'm in shock, to say the least. I'm actually quite devastated.

Mom called me at around 11pm on Thursday. I knew something was up because she never calls that late unless it's important. She was quite obviously in tears when I picked up. She told me that she and Serena were at the Portland airport, about to board a plane to LA. I was completely panicked and asked what had happened and she told me that she and Dad had gotten into a huge argument over dinner and that he had hit her.

This is probably the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. It hurts so much.

Born For This

I'M GOING ON TOUR!!

I can't remember the last time I was this stoked on something! I've been dreaming about this since I was eleven. It still seems kinda surreal to me but I'm sure it will sink in nearer the time. I'm super excited to take Missa and Serena out on the road! Doing what I do, I don't get to see Serena as much as I'd like to, so I can't wait to spend some time with her. I also want to bring Mom out at some point because I think it'd do her some good.

As harsh as it might sound, I wish Mom and Dad would divorce. Both Missa and I would love for Mom and Serena to move out to LA. I know it sounds like I'm hating on Dad but it's not like that at all. I have never, ever hated him and I never will... but when it comes down to it, he ruined what he and Mom had. I can forgive him for what his affair did to me, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive what he did to Mom. I'll never understand the choices he made back then.

Crushcrushcrush

Tomorrow I meet with the label to discuss the US tour. I'm sooo excited! I haven't been this stoked in a while.

Joel and I got back into LA last night and were up until around 3am writing songs. I'm so glad we decided to get an apartment together. I love the freedom Joel and I have in our own little home... and as much as I love spending time in OR, I am stoked to be back. We don't get much 'alone time' out there because my Dad has some pretty strict rules about what can and can't go on in his house and Joel and I respect that. I wont lie and say that we've never broken the rules because we have. We were intimate when we were out there but it was once and we had the house to ourselves. I would never, ever be intimate with Joel when Mom, Dad or Serena were home. I'm a conservative person and I think that's disrespectful to my parents. I know that a lot of people don't understand or agree with that but I was raised to believe that being intimate with someone is a personal, private thing and I do believe that. Plus, Joel and I had similar upbringings and have the same values for the most part, which helps.

I hate to sound like a lovesick schoolgirl... but I really do think he's the one. I'm not stupid; I don't expect our relationship to always be as amazing as it has been and is at the moment, but I know I'd be willing to work through anything that came between us. I've never been so comfortable with another person.