My Number One

I'm home!

Got into LAX at around a quarter past ten last night. Joel met me with a rose and a Red Bull <3 He sure does know the way to my heart. He told me that Mom and Serena had decided to spend the night with Missa.... Hallelujah!

We made love until, like, 3am.

He knows my body better than I do.

Stuck On You

I want him so much.

Oh Star

Lazy mornings are the best.

It's past noon and I am still not dressed... but I did manage some Yoga. It's all good. I changed Nate's diaper this morning! And I guess it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. Roxy and Malachi really do have the most gorgeous kids.

Adore

I miss him.

Sometimes I wish Lindsay and Roxy lived closer... but I do love coming to New York.

Tonight we play our second sold out show at the Hammerstein. It really does mean a lot to me that Lindsay, Roxy, Malachi & Jason have come out again to show their support. I would have been happy enough to make my way back to their place once the show is done, but they were pretty insistent on being here. I asked Roxy whether she'd be down to play guitar on a couple songs tonight and she was stoked on the idea, so she's running through the songs with the guys at the moment. She really is a badass guitar player.

Changes

Dad called this morning. He said that he misses Missa, Serena and I and wants to see us. I told him that I'd talk to Missa about it... but I think we both know that it's an unlikely prospect at this point in time. Neither Missa, Serena or I are ready to see him. The wounds are much too raw.

The Only Exception

That was absolute madness.

Lindsay and Roxy are without a doubt the most talented people I have ever met. It's almost sickening. Born entertainers. They really are mesmerizing to watch. Obviously I've seen them dance in the past, but I had never been to an actual class until this evening. It was a hip/hop class and they were practicing a routine to a song called 'Fight For This Love' that is by a UK artist. They did tell me her name but I don't remember it and didn't recognize it either. Apparently Lindsay discovered the song and suggested it to their dance teacher.

Malachi and I were joking around during practice. He said that we probably shouldn't breathe because The Twins could do it better.

Skanks.
=]

My Hero

Words cannot explain how stoked I am to be in New York.

Having something to eat and then I'm going to watch Lindsay and Roxy at their dance class!

Let The Flames Begin

I HATE LA TRAFFIC.

For some dumbass reason we decided to leave Laguna at around noon... and it took us three and a quarter hours to get home to Park La Brea. Still, I suppose it could have been worse; Kaden rode back with us, and listening to he and Joel argue in that pathetic way that all siblings do is awesome entertainment.

We all needed the bathroom at one point so I pulled into a little shopping complex we stumbled across and we got out, went to the bathroom, got something to eat and wandered around.


But don't threat - we eventually made it back to Park La Brea. Kaden doesn't live in Park La Brea but he decided that he'd rather walk the 20 minutes to his apartment than spend another hour in the car. I think I'd have done the same. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a car when it has to be at least a hundred degrees outside.

Going to dinner tonight with Joel, Mom, Missa and Serena. I doubt I'll be up late. I'm exhausted and I'm working tomorrow.

For A Pessimist

Headed out to dinner in a little bit. We leave tomorrow morning. I'll miss Laguna... but I'm super excited to see Mom, Missa and Serena. And I'm stoked to go to New York on Friday and hang with Lindsay and Roxy! I have missed my Ginger Nuts.

All We Know

Spent the day at the beach, working on my tan, with my man, his Mom, Amanda, his Dad, Andrew, and his Grandpa Miles and Grandma Vicky.

I love coming to Laguna. It's been a while since I last came out here. We're here until Tuesday, and then I'm headed to New York on Friday to do some promo and I have two shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom... how insane is that!? TWO sold-out shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom!! Joel is gonna come back to Laguna whilst I go to New York, so I'm gonna stick around a couple more days and spend some time with The Twins. I have missed them. I'm super excited to hang out and see the babies!

I Caught Myself

For some odd reason I've been thinking about babies non-stop these past couple days. I have never been that person. I mean, I was absolutely scared shitless when my period was late last week. I could have cried when it came, I was that relieved... so this sudden desire really makes no sense whatsoever to me.

I hear so many women telling anybody who will listen that childbirth is an amazing thing... but I absolutely cannot wrap my head around that. There is NOTHING amazing about pain, blood and having that ripped open. It seems impossible to me that a baby can come through there... but Roxy assures me that it can and will - whether you want it to or not.

The thought makes me shiver.

I do, however, believe that when the time comes and I do have to experience childbirth and all that comes with it, all that I am ignorant to now will become clear to me.

Nate must have been a week old when this was taken.

My Heart

I'll be spending the next couple days out in Orange County!

I love, love, love Laguna. It's kinda hard to believe that there's only an hour or so between Laguna Beach and downtown LA, because Laguna is so chill... and LA is manic at best. Joel and I have discussed moving out here eventually. I think it would be nice. Obviously we're not talking about any time soon, but eventually, when we're older and want to settle down and maybe have a couple kids.

When The Lines Overlap

Good times.

I had my cover shoot with Rolling Stone today. It was awesome. I probably had too good a time. There was a trampoline set up in the studio when I arrived... how badass is that!? Joel was at the shoot with me... and as hard as he tried, he could not resist joining me on the trampoline. It was pretty neat. I'm not one to complain about work... but let's be honest with ourselves... photoshoots can get tedious at times, so I totally appreciate a photographer that will mix things up and go beyond the norm.

Creativity is contagious.

Whoa

So, I had a serious scare this week. I was three days late.

False alarm. I'm not pregnant. Thank God.

I really don't think I could handle having a child at this age. My Mom was pregnant with Missa when she was 20; Roxy already had Dakota, McKenzie and Landon. I don't think I'll ever understand how she does it... but I will always have insane respect for both she and Malachi.

I didn't tell Joel that I was late. I only told him this morning, when my period came, and I was kinda worried that he'd be mad at me... but he was awesome about it. He did ask me why I hadn't told him and I explained that I hadn't wanted to worry him unnecessarily. He said that he understood, but made me promise to tell him if it ever happens again.

I have to admit, I had expected him to be a little more freaked out than he actually was, and I told him so. He said that whilst he agrees that we're not ready to go down that route yet, had I been pregnant, he would have accepted it and been excited nonetheless. We've agreed that we'll be extra careful in future... not that we could be much more careful than we already are. I mean, of course there are times when we may not have a condom available, but those times are rare... and I always remember to take my birth control pill.

I did tell Missa, however. And Mom. It's still kinda weird to me that I can tell her things like that nowadays. I mean, a month or so back I wouldn't have dared. All that has happened over the past couple weeks has brought us so much closer together. For some reason, when she was still with Dad, I always thought that she still saw me as a child. It's only since she and Serena have been here with us that I've realized that she does see me as being an adult; it was my Dad that never could. I'm not going to sit here and talk trash about my Dad but I will say that I've learned more about my Mom in the past couple weeks than I did in the 17 years that I lived in that house. It's kinda crazy. Though I hate the situation in which it came about, I love this new closeness and really hope that our relationship continues to blossom. Even more so, I hope that Mom continues to discover the person she really is underneath the pain that has been so cruelly brought upon her, and I hope that she loves that person as much as Missa, Serena and I do.

Brighter

You know you played an awesome show when you can't talk the next morning.

Mom, Serena, Missa, Kizzie, Beth, Cady and Raven all came out to watch and support me, which really does mean the world to me.

Hallelujah

Whoever invented iChat needs a raise. Sexy times with Roxy Erin.

RoxyErin: Lynxy, I lost my twin.
Lynxy: Where is she?
RoxyErin: I don't know. I lost her. Fucking idiot you are.

I suppose I deserved that =]

Apparently Lindsay doesn't do iChat because 'technology gives her headaches'. Amazing. That chick always knows how to make me smile. And I do hope Roxy recovers her quickly.

Here We Go Again

Had my hair cut and colored today. Much love and thanks to Esme Wright, the best stylist on the planet. I usually color my own hair because I'm quite particular about it... but Esme was cutting it and she suggested we put some more color on it and I totally trust her. Red hair is particularly hard to handle and you have to use the right products, otherwise the color comes out within two or three washes.

Roxy will laugh when she sees me - we have pretty much the same colors going on, except her hair reaches all the way down to her ass and she has a couple more tones in there, kinda like highlights but less... organized =] I don't think I could manage my hair if it were that long... but it totally suits both her and Lindsay. I love the color Lindsay has. It's called Deep Auburn, I believe, and it's super cute... but I think The Twins are so sickeningly gorgeous that they could do anything and still look better than anyone else.

Never Let This Go

Went to the beach with Mommy, Serena, Missa and Ben yesterday.

SUCH A CUTE COUPLE.

I think Mom is gradually settling into Cali life. It takes time. Serena has told us that she doesn't want to leave. She asked me the other day whether I could promise her that she'd be able to stay... and that concerns me. She becomes very distressed whenever someone mentions Portland. I don't think my Dad would ever have hurt her... but something is telling me that he has hurt Mom in the past.